'Feeling Fat' Today? What we Really Mean When we Say this and What to Do Differently
Whether in your own mind or vocalised out loud, how many times have you heard the phrase “I feel fat”?
Whilst these familiar words can be uttered casually, usually with no mis-intent, they may reveal a lot about the complicated relationships we have with body fat and with our emotions.
In this blog I explore what we might really mean when we say “I feel fat”, and I invite you to reconsider the power of language in your own relationship with food and your body.
FAT IS NOT A FEELING
It may sound obvious, but fat isn’t actually a feeling at all. "I feel fat" typically refers to a complex mix of emotions and negative body image perceptions.
Often the phrase indicates negative feelings towards one's body or dissatisfaction with specific body parts. Noticing visual body changes or weight gain can also trigger the phrase. And if we choose to latch on to the thought “I feel fat”, it may even lead us to engage in unhelpful behaviours, for example, the urge to restrict food.
What’s important to recognise is that a critical and judgmental view of one's own body stems from a complex range of factors, including deeply ingrained cultural and societal beliefs about bodies, where the thin body is valued more than the fat body.
So when a person in a larger body says “I feel fat” they may well be feeling the ‘weight’ of living in a larger body that doesn’t ‘fit in’ to cultural norms or match the upheld idealised body type.
When a person in a thinner body says the same words, they may also be expressing body dissatisfaction - potentially as a result of being caught up in unrealistic comparisons to others or media representations. Or their words may be related more to an ingrained fear of being fat.
CONSIDER PHYSICAL SENSATIONS OR BODY CHANGES
Sometimes “I feel fat” can be an expression of a more literal physical sensation that you are experiencing. For example, feeling bloated or being uncomfortably full after eating, noticing thighs chafing, or the waistband on your trousers digging in. It may be you haven’t moved your body for a while and are feeling lethargic or stiff.
These experiences can all bring up body image issues that the phrase “I feel fat” seems to encapsulate. However, rather than getting too caught up in unhelpful thoughts about your body, mindfully identifying the actual experiences presents an opportunity to take some supportive action. For example, you might take a light walk to relieve bloating, or have a mint tea to support digestion, apply a soothing ointment, get hold of clothes that are comfortable - not too tight or too loose, or do some gentle stretching.
THE EMOTIONS THAT UNDERLIE “I FEEL FAT”
Using the phrase “I feel fat” can also be a sign that we are not connecting with our real emotional experiences or emotional needs at that moment in time. For example, it can be a blunt expression of an underlying emotion such as feeling unattractive, anxious, deflated, sad, frustrated, guilt, shame, unworthy, fearful, or out of control, amongst others.
So, if you hear yourself saying “I feel fat", can you step back and ask yourself “what am I really feeling right now?” See if you can take a little time to identify the specific feeling, and also to curiously and compassionately explore what the emotional triggers behind it are likely to be. If you didn’t ‘feel fat’ an hour ago, a day ago, or a week ago, what changed?
Developing emotional awareness and the vocabulary to articulate your feelings more precisely, and to effectively have a deeper conversation with yourself, can be so helpful in supporting your relationship with yourself, your body and food. It is a real opportunity to get to know yourself better rather than avoiding your real feelings and needs.
It is also an opportunity to consider how you act on what you discover - essentially, how you choose to attend to your needs. This in itself is a great anti-dote to body dissatisfaction and unhelpful patterns related to food and eating too. But it will of course take practice, practice, practice.
How you talk about your body can influence OTHERS
When someone says in front of other people, “I feel fat”, invariably they won’t mean or intend any harm by the phrase at all. Sometimes the phrase can be banded with a degree of lightness or even joviality.
But of course the implication is still that fat = bad, and this in itself reveals something of the pervasive nature of fat-phobia in society. The thing is, despite the common narrative that a slimmer body is 'better’, being fat is not an inherently bad thing, and it isn’t necessarily a sign of poor health or ‘bad’ habits. So attaching negative cultural connotations to fatness could be adding more fuel to the body image related challenges and disordered eating concerns already prevalent in today’s society.
If you use the phrase around others, could it be possible that you are inadvertently enforcing a message that a larger body is undesirable, exasperating fear of weight gain in loved ones who may already be vulnerable to poor body image themselves? Or making those around you in larger bodies feel bad?
If you wished to express yourself to others in a less ‘loaded’ way, could you consider changing your language and more accurately naming your specific emotional or physical experience? For example, rather than saying “I feel fat”, you might say “I feel bloated”, “I feel insecure or anxious about my body”, or “I feel uncomfortable in my clothes”, if that is how you are really feeling.
Conversely, if you hear someone you care about say “I feel fat”, rather than jump in with “don’t worry you’re not fat”, or “it’s OK, just start that diet tomorrow and you’ll feel great”, could you consider other responses that better validate that person at the time?
Here are a few examples: "I hear you. It sounds like you're having a tough time with your body image right now”; "I’m here for you. How can I support you right now?"; How are you feeling overall? Is there something specific that's bothering you?"; or "Be kind to yourself. It's normal to have days when you don't feel great about your body."
MY CONCLUSIONS
In many instances, 'feeling fat' has more to do with societal factors and emotional factors than with your physical body. It likely represents some deep-rooted, unhelpful beliefs about bodies - your own and others - that could take some time to chip away at. Practice reminding yourself in those “I feel fat” moments that nothing is wrong with your body (or other people’s for that matter).
Reading about the unrealistic and harmful nature of societal standards on body image can be helpful as part of the work, alongside practicing body acceptance and neutrality, and gently checking in with how you’re feeling and what your actual physical or emotional needs are, and taking action to respectfully attend to those needs.
Also, I recommend setting an intention to observe the power of language and how using more thoughtful and compassionate language with others, and yourself, can completely turn around those “I feel fat” moments.
Remember, positive change is possible and it’s liberating.
Take a nourishing step forward today
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